I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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