is your mom at the bar?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
