Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
