so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
