He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
