True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Less talking, more tequila
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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