Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
