there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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