I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How naked do you want me to be?
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