gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
