I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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