forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
