she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
