So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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