Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize