I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize