ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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