I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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