I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
