Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
