Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The air was thick with penises
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
