i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
