And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
