i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
