Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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