it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
