Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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