Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
