Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
