So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We're too hungover to prance.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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