im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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