Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
