So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
