I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
