remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sext me about skeletons
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
