I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
