now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
