Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
