You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
