Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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