I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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