You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
