I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
