I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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