I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
