You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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