Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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