i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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