When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
