Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
