perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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