My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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