The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
