i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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