Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize