true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
