So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
