chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
