I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm like, not good at living.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
