i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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