i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
