Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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