I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
