it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
