I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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