every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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