Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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