ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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