So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
