...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
