so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
