So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
