If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
