I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize