It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
