I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You can't special order awesome
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
