last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
