Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize