its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
