Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
