I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
