it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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