he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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