If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize