I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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