I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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